The Anxiety Train & Confidence Building

It’s been a little while since I wrote a proper blog post on how I am feeling, what I’m up to, and how things are going in general, so I thought I would do that now. You might have noticed that my blog schedule has been a bit erratic for the last month or so, and usually I keep to a really tight posting regime, but things have just been a bit all over the place, especially with family and personal life, but that I wont share on the blog as it’s not directly related to myself.

If you have followed me for a long time, you will know that I have spoken openly a lot about anxiety and how it’s been a big part of my life since I can remember. It used to be so crippling that I couldn’t even leave the house at points without having panic attacks and I couldn’t even speak to strangers, be in crowds, anything like that… it was a very dark place. I’ve worked hard on tackling that anxiety though to try and live a more ‘normal’ lifestyle over the years, and push myself outside of my comfort zone to try and achieve things I didn’t think I could.

The past two months or so I have really been pushing myself out of my boundaries and trying to grow even more, gaining confidence. One thing I was able to do, which I never thought I would do, is travel alone. One of my best friends (who I have known online for 3 years) was getting married and this was my opportunity to meet him finally, and attend his wedding. I took the train, by myself, to Birmingham New Street from Bath, and I was terrified. I hadn’t ever travelled alone before because I was always worried about something happening to me, and one of the worst things did happen to me before I left. I got a nose bleed (which has been a fear from my childhood as I used to end up in hospital with them) and I was extremely close to not going, but I forced myself to, and I did it. I know this may seem like a normal thing to just travel on your own, but for someone who has had a life of ill health and really bad anxiety related to that, it’s actually a pretty big deal. I hadn’t felt that sick and scared in years though, it wasn’t easy, I was feeling absolutely dreadful before I went, and I struggled to eat for most of the day, but I still did it. I enjoyed myself at the wedding and I was proud of myself for achieving what I did.

Another thing Adam and I have been doing is photoshoots for House of Cavani. We got to do a really cool one last week with Calum Best (who is wonderful by the way, really down to earth and a genuinely nice guy) and that was amazing. Spending the day with him and both of us taking photos for the company was so good. We have done shoots like this with Digby Edgley from Made in Chelsea before, but this Calum one was really unique and different, and so enjoyable. I wouldn’t have dreamed of doing anything like this a couple of years ago, especially since I didn’t do very well in social situations, let alone taking photos and chatting normally to someone very well known, so I’ve definitely grown a huge amount in my confidence lately. I’ve just been trying to say yes to things more, not really think about them, just do them, and go with the flow. I’m finding opening my mind more like this is key.

I’m also a lot more confident with my body now too, I know I gained some weight about a year ago and then I lost a little bit too, but I’m very happy where I am at. I’ve always been pretty self conscious, like most of us are, but honestly I have learned to love yourself and your body. You only get this one to live your journey here on earth, so treat it with respect and kindness. You don’t have another one so you need to be best friends with your body in order to live your life to its fullest.

Anyway, all of this leads me to what I want to do next. I want to try and move into film/acting in some way. I always used to love it as a kid, really love it, and I used to do small acting roles (one of them was for a friends college project years ago and you can see that on YouTube by clicking here), but I’ve always had a passion for it and would tell anyone who wanted to listen that I wanted to be an actress. Since I lost all my confidence though and got crippled with anxiety so badly, it was something I always thought that I couldn’t do because I didn’t have the confidence to anymore, but that’s changing a lot now and I feel like I’m ready to take acting lessons and start going down that route. For so long I haven’t known what I wanted to do, I’ve always had dreams, but never thought they were possible, and now I feel like I am ready for these next steps. I have a lot of figuring things out to do, but I’m sure I will get there. I’m excited for this journey and to see where it ends up. I was watching the film set in Bath yesterday for Bridgerton, which is a new Netflix production with Julie Andrews, and being on the set like that, watching the filming, just everything about it made me feel alive again, so I know it’s where I need to be! Are any of you into acting?

A few more steps first though and that’s to keep travelling alone, for more things, actually get on a plane and fly somewhere. I know I keep talking about that but I’m terrified of the pressure in my head and ears because I don’t regulate pressure changes properly, so if anyone has any tips for this, please do tell me as I would love to have as much flying advice as possible. Do the ear plugs work for regulating pressure? I’m going to go to Paris first as it’s easy to take the Eurostar back if things don’t go to plan with the flying. So yeah, these are all plans for next year! I’d love to hear what you’re doing to tackle your own anxiety and confidence issues too! Lorna xx.

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24 Comments

  1. Ali Barnfield
    September 2, 2019 / 3:18 pm

    Wonderful positive post and so pleased for you with your personal achievements. I think the acting would be a fantastic thing for you to do aswell. Xxx

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:29 pm

      Thank you so much!

  2. September 2, 2019 / 9:38 pm

    Love your striped shirt and acting sounds exciting! I don’t have the confidence or aim for anything like that, but my sister lives on the Gold Coast and there are always movies filming there, she’s been an extra in a few (when she’s had the ability to work around her work schedule) and she really enjoys it! It’s so cool seeing her on the credits – even if she’s done horror films so far and I’m too scared to watch her on the screen, ha!

    It’s great you were able to travel despite your fears too! Well done!

    Hope you had a wonderful weekend!

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:29 pm

      Oh that’s amazing she has been an extra in a few! I wanted to do that too when I was younger, be an extra!

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:30 pm

      Congrats on doing that, Amy!

  3. Ian
    September 3, 2019 / 8:16 am

    Well done Lorna it is always good to do some thing that we are not comfortable with , I help out at a stables and just this last week gran , mum and daughters have come riding for the first time . It is nice to see people take on a new hobby . take care and enjoy the plane once you go . Ian

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:30 pm

      Oh that’s nice to hear they are taking on horse riding or just trying something new!

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:30 pm

      Thank you so much!

  4. jenniferpickering22gmailcom
    September 3, 2019 / 12:42 pm

    I’m so glad that you are getting more comfortable with everything. Best of luck with acting,

    Jennifer
    Effortlessly Sophisticated

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:36 pm

      Thank you!

  5. September 3, 2019 / 2:51 pm

    Hi Lorna, I’m glad that you succeed in overcoming your anxiety and that you’re getting more confident (which I think is easy to see in your posts). I mentioned that before, but one of the things I like most about this blog is how you talk/write openly about your issues and personal challenges. You say that in the past you had that fear (or, maybe the reluctance) of talking to strangers in person. Did the sharing of your thoughts online and communicating with others on the social media help you overcome this? I’m asking that partly as a parent.

    A very funny video (from the link above) by the way. What I really don’t completely understand though is how such a clumsy and hasty person with an affinity for bubble gums and for ball-kicks in the head created later something so beautiful and professional-looking like RoS and started making these awesome fashion posts 🤔😆. Jokes aside, I must say you look and act very natural so I think you have pretty good chances in acting.

    The biggest event (and it’s really big) was that our son entered a new era in his life (we too by the way): he (and we in this respect) began school. It was a strange feeling for me to sit at one of those small desks after so many years when we were invited to the parents – teacher meeting. Strangely enough, I expected them to be much smaller already 🙂
    The other thing is that I am already very proud of my dentist, who proved to be a genius: she succeeded in proving me wrong when I believed that the pain after leaving her room would be less than the pain before entering it.

    My personal solution to the pressure issues during flight (especially taking-off and landing): mouth wide open (but not while staring at other people lol, some of them may be your followers haha ), take deep breaths and avoid anything that can increase your blood pressure prior the the flight, e.g. drinking coffee or reading troll comments on the social media :).

    Congratulations on the 100k on IG and take good care,
    Steven

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:43 pm

      Hi Steven!

      I would say yes and no to talking and being open online having an impact on real life. It gave me a life in a way, because without the online, I wouldn’t have been social with anyone at all, so it’s very real to me, but being behind a computer and not in someone’s presence is much easier, and completely different, so I would say it didn’t have much of a helping hand actually.

      And I’m glad you like the funny video! I’m actually quite goofy lol. It wasn’t my script though, so I was being directed, but in person I’m actually quite funny and mess about a lot, despite how I like to dress, ha ha.

      And that’s amazing your son is now starting school! Gosh, the time really does fly by doesn’t it? And well done on getting over the fear of dentists. I have that too!

      I have to do the open and close mouth thing in train tunnels or going up/down hills in cars as the pressure causes my ears pain otherwise. Luckily I don’t drink coffee, but I would imagine my blood pressure would be sky high before the flight lol.

      • September 5, 2019 / 4:50 pm

        Thank you for answering my question Lorna, our son already shows interest for social media and he is only 7 lol so we currently are trying to talk him out of it. He has his own facebook account though 🤪. For now he doesn’t have many „real“ friends so either the school changes that or…I don’t know.

        By the way, the outfit in the video was simple and great.
        And you know, there is one good thing about tooth pain: it’s all in your head 😄

        • Lorna
          Author
          September 9, 2019 / 1:29 am

          Online friends are wonderful, my best friends and my fiance were all people I met online and were friends with first on the internet, so I think it’s the way of the world now, so try not to discourage it too much as online friends are as important as real ones, in my honest belief. I couldn’t be without mine 🙂 I’ve achieved so much through knowing people online and for that I am grateful!

  6. photosbycris
    September 4, 2019 / 2:25 am

    I think it is wonderful how your confidence is growing keep working on it find a great psychologist so you can talk about it. It is really important to talk to someone. I wish you much luck in your acting career I also have anxieties and I also did acting and all sort of arts I love anything art really So writing and getting involved in fashion again has made me happier It was actually my very first passion in life When you move away from your dreams you lose yourself and I think the anxiety has to do with feeling lost I hope you have a great time in Paris I love that city it is one of my favourite places Have a wonderful day xoxo Cris
    photosbycris.blogspot.com/2019/08/i-am-sharing-my-secret.html

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:37 pm

      I feel the same as you there, when you move away from your dreams or passion you start to feel lost, and I am a bit lost, so hopefully that will come back. It’s good to hear you love art and acting too!

  7. polarbearstyle
    September 5, 2019 / 3:42 am

    This is amazing! I’m so happy that you were able to deal with your anxiety to such an extent! And congratulations on making it to the wedding. I know exactly what you mean about travelling alone as I’ve had the same issues ever since my health has gotten worse.

    I’m working on dealing with my anxiety pretty much by pushing myself to do things that I’m terrified of. It works as long as I don’t overdo it 🙂

    It’s wonderful that you have a dream and you’re going to go after it. I’m not quite sure what my dream is, but I did think about looking into acting and am even planning to take some classes in February. I wish you the best of luck!

    Kathrin | Polar Bear Style

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 5, 2019 / 1:38 pm

      Yes! The exposure therapy is how I’m trying to tackle it too, it’s hard, but I think I can make it work. I’ve been doing it for years and now certain things I never thought I could do are second nature and I don’t even think about them 🙂

  8. September 5, 2019 / 11:28 pm

    I am so glad that you took that train Lorna. I know it’s not easy but the fulfillment on the other end is priceless. Plus, your friend must have so excited to see you on his big day. Acting sounds like a great venue. I know you will do very well. As for me, confidence is something I always work on. Some days I feel like I conquer the world and others not so much. I hope your week is going well so far and happy Thursday!

    Maureen | http://www.littlemisscasual.com

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 9, 2019 / 1:28 am

      Thank you so much, Maureen! Yes, I feel the same way, some days I can conquer the world, and other days I want to just stay home. Thank you for the support as always!

  9. September 10, 2019 / 2:49 am

    This is amazing dear! I’m happy for you. Confidence is everything indeed. Wishing you all the best dear!
    Jessica | notjessfashion.com

    • Lorna
      Author
      September 11, 2019 / 1:20 am

      Thank you very much!

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