Standing Up For Myself & Well Being

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I did originally write this post out and was happy with the result, but as you know the server went down and it meant that I lost a lot of work, including this post, so I’m trying to remember everything I wrote, but go off of how I am feeling right now as well. Since I treat this blog sort of like an online diary and a place that’s mine to express everything I need to, I wanted to make this post as I’m hoping that it might inspire you or help you in some way too.

Recently over the past few months, I have found myself in some really stressful and exhausting situations, through no fault of my own actually, but ones that I have been involved in. I noticed that during these really hard and difficult times my mood changes immensely and I don’t function like I should, losing inspiration and enthusiasm because the weight of the situation is bearing down on me. I’ve begun to understand that no matter how hard you try to get on in life, things will always be around the corner unexpectedly to give you a knock back to keep the balance, but how you deal with these issues is important.

I’m actually lucky to have understood and figured out what I know now at such a young age, people a lot older than me are still trying to figure things out and deal with these types of burdens on a day to day basis, but what I have learned is that it’s ok to say no. I can’t stress this enough actually because for a while and for a lot of people around me, saying no to people seems like a really hard thing to do, due to fear of sounding rude or mean to those asking, but honestly, it’s perfectly fine to do so. If you just can’t manage to do something or it’s something that is going to do more harm to you mentally than good, it’s ok to say no.

It’s also ok to cut out the negativity. We should surround ourselves with people who bring out the best in us, who make us happy, give us energy and people we actually enjoy spending time with. People that respect us, not people who bring negativity and are only in the relationship, be it friendship or more, for their own personal gain and how much they can get from us. These types of people are no good to your mind and well being, so I learned a while ago to remove myself from these types of situations and people and I’m much happier for it. It’s not selfish, it’s just incredibly important to look after yourself. How can you look after others and be there for people you love properly when you aren’t even taking care of yourself correctly? It’s important to enjoy life and live it to the full since it’s the only one you will have, so making sure you are of the best mindset and health is something I take incredibly seriously now and I’m much better for it. Remember this post I wrote on changing my diet and physical activity?

If you are in the middle of these stressful situations and they are nothing to do with you, remove yourself. Especially if it’s making you anxious, worried and impacting your daily life. I know many of you may think this is mean, but if you think about it, whoever that person is got this far in life and they managed perfectly fine before they knew you. You are capable of dealing with your own problems, as am I, so that means they are too. If it’s too much for you, don’t do it. I’m not saying go cold turkey on everyone, of course there are many people out there that you will be close to, absolutely love and adore and of course you should be there for them, but I’m referring to those who you might call a friend, but in reality they are really only bringing stress into your lives and nothing worthy.

This isn’t something that comes really easily, I think after a while though, you just end up snapping and having enough. You get screwed over one too many times and irritated to the point of breaking. With certain people, you get to a point in your life where you just want to get out of it. You can’t take anymore of it and you have to do something about it. Working in this industry and being around certain people in life as well, I think I have experienced way too much of this negativity so early on in life and I reached my breaking point already. I now cut everything negative out and just do what I feel is important to me. Of course I’m still there for those who matter to me and are important, I always will be, but everything else, I’m not involved with. It’s too much and considering I’m one of those people who quite likes to be alone in quiet places, it definitely wasn’t good for me.

I found one of the easiest ways to be truly happy and make your life work the way you want it to is to literally do what you need to do. You don’t have to follow everyone else and you don’t have to do things just because you think you should or because that’s what you should do at this age or that age. Life literally has no rules, it’s however you want to live it and I’m very happy with what I’m doing now. I’ve actually never felt better. For example, Adam and I have been together over 6 years now, but we still live in separate houses and still have a long distance relationship. Countless times I have been asked when are we getting married, when are we living together, why aren’t we having children etc, but to me these questions have no merit because everything falls into place when it’s right. There is no rush, if we are both happy (which we are incredibly happy, to the point we have so much fun and laughter together) then why change it? We know we are suited to each other and will probably be together forever, but why does that mean we have to be married right now and everything else, just because everyone feels you should as it’s been too long. The same goes for alcohol, I don’t drink as you know, but people think that’s really odd too. I’m not worried what other people think about my life choices though, as long as I am happy and everything I am doing is ok, then that’s what counts. I don’t put time frames or rules on my life, things fall into place when they are right. I feel like a lot of people end up so unhappy because they rush into things, just because society says so and things end up falling apart because it wasn’t necessarily the right decision for them. This again creates so much negativity.

Doing what is right for you is the most important thing. The body doesn’t function correctly if it doesn’t have a stress free environment, nutrients and breathing space. You can’t help people or be of a benefit to anyone if you are not being the best possible you. I can’t explain how important it is to make sure that you are happy, doing things that you love, feeding your soul and your body with nutrients and excitement and being successful. I also wanted to say that this doesn’t mean successful in money terms, it means successful in life, leading a fulfilled and happy one. If someone gave me a million dollars to quit blogging forever and leave denim behind, I wouldn’t take it. I define success and richness as a mentality, not based upon what’s in your bank account or what others deem it to be.

This has turned out to actually be quite long and I didn’t mean it to be, but I’m really hoping that it might help some of you and inspire you to do things differently if you aren’t feeling like yourself anymore. It’s definitely ok to say no and focus on yourself, it’s not selfish, it’s needed. Go and take that time out and relax and concentrate on you if you need to. I promise you it’s extremely important, don’t live unhappily when you don’t need to. Life honestly is too short to be nothing but happy and enjoyed. Lorna xx.

Written by Lorna Burford

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21 Comments

  1. August 8, 2014 / 8:27 pm

    Lovely thoughts you have penned down Lorna – you are doing the right thing.

    I feel the same thing now & again, it’s hard to deal with it all the time, sometimes I get really upset. For e.g., I’m 34 and still unmarried. Being in Middle East it’s a rare thing for a girl to be unmarried at this age but I just cant get married for the sake of it. I do not fancy anyone as yet to the point that I make this decision. Most of the times I’m okay when people ask me why am I ‘not married yet’. But at times it’s hard especially when I get the feeling that the other person is probably making assumptions in their head as to what could be the reason. Nevertheless, I am sure I’m doing the right thing. Like yourself, I truely believe things fall into their right place when it’s the right time.

    Sarah
    Pretty Gloss β™₯ beauty, makeup & a bit of life..
    bloglovin’ | twitter | pinterest | facebook

  2. August 8, 2014 / 8:42 pm

    Lovely thoughts you have penned down Lorna – you are doing the right thing.

    I feel the same thing now & again, it’s hard to deal with it all the time, sometimes I get really upset. For e.g., I’m 34 and still unmarried. Being in Middle East it’s a rare thing for a girl to be unmarried at this age but I just cant get married for the sake of it. I do not fancy anyone as yet to the point that I make this decision. Most of the times I’m okay when people ask me why am I ‘not married yet’. But at times it’s hard especially when I get the feeling that the other person is probably making assumptions in their head as to what could be the reason. Nevertheless, I am sure I’m doing the right thing. Like yourself, I truely believe things fall into their right place when it’s the right time.

    Sarah
    Pretty Gloss β™₯ beauty, makeup & a bit of life..
    bloglovin’ | twitter | pinterest | facebook

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 8, 2014 / 9:34 pm

      You definitely are doing the right thing πŸ™‚ Marriage is such a huge and important step in life and it’s something that is a commitment for the rest of your time on this earth, so you definitely have to find the right person. They will come along sooner rather than later πŸ™‚

  3. August 8, 2014 / 8:47 pm

    I have learned that the older we get, the more “bad” things happen but I dont think thats necessarily true. I feel that when we were younger, we didnt pay as much attention to things happening to us or around us because we were too busy being kids and I think thats what changes. We grow up and start taking everything seriously and then we start seeing alllll the bad things but they have always been there.
    Feel better πŸ™‚
    Xo, Belen
    A Hint of Life

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 8, 2014 / 9:35 pm

      That might be true, although I think as kids it generally doesn’t happen to you specifically and you aren’t involved, it happens to the adults around you more so πŸ™‚

  4. Jen
    August 8, 2014 / 9:11 pm

    Sometimes in counselling they’ll have people spend just 10-20 minutes writing about what’s bothering them, and it’s very therapeutic for them- sort of like what you’ve done πŸ™‚ great post! Very insightful!

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 8, 2014 / 9:36 pm

      Thanks Jen! I’m hoping that it helps people who read it, I’ve managed to help a couple with this theory and they feel much better for it πŸ˜€

  5. jorge martinez
    August 9, 2014 / 12:08 am

    Thank you for sharing, I’d been in those situations, there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel and a morning after the darkest night.

    I wish you success in all your life.

    Jorge

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 9, 2014 / 12:15 am

      Thank you Jorge!

  6. August 9, 2014 / 12:12 am

    We so enjoyed reading this love. Totally with you on the stress front.

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 9, 2014 / 12:16 am

      Glad you liked it!

  7. ali
    August 9, 2014 / 12:31 am

    Spot on and wrote to perfection Lorna, I wish I had felt like this at a younger age instead of only just beginning to touch the surface. A very inspiring blog x

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 9, 2014 / 2:49 am

      Thanks ali, I’m really glad you liked it!

  8. August 10, 2014 / 12:52 am

    This post really helped me. I needed to hear something like this. I had an old friend that I grew up with visit me at my new hometown recently and right away, I sensed things had changed. She was nothing but a bundle of negativity but displayed such vibes through nonstop joking- the worst indirect jokes. She made the whole visiting period feel like years, I actually couldn’t wait for her to leave. It was such a stressful visit just because of her incredibly arrogant manner. I’m pretty sure she just wants to visit me because I live in a tourist location. I live in a peaceful area (the countryside) and have always felt really happy but since my “friend” left, I have not felt that same peace of mind. It’s like she left a sour taste in my mouth. What makes me a little more anxious is that she is going to be moving to a closer location and I fear that she will want to hang out more often. I am going to try my hardest to distance myself from her.

    Sorry this was a long comment but I just wanted to share and tell you that I really appreciated you writing this post. Also, I don’t know if you remember me commenting on one of your posts a while back (I think it was like a bucket list type post where you said you kind of have a fear of flying and stuff). I mentioned I was the same way but wanted to get the courage to fly and visit the UK or Ireland. Well I’m happy to report that I am overcoming my fear and will be visiting Ireland this Fall. πŸ™‚

    xx

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 10, 2014 / 1:29 am

      I’m really glad that it could help you, that’s what I was hoping for so I am glad that I wrote it. It does sound like you do need to distance yourself from that situation, if it’s something that’s making you anxious and stressed out, it’s not good for you. I hope you can manage it! And that’s amazing that you are flying to Ireland! Congratulations on over coming the fear, I haven’t been able to as of yet lol πŸ™‚

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 10, 2014 / 5:08 pm

      Thank you!

  9. Adam
    August 11, 2014 / 7:43 pm

    A really great post! Was very good to read, and I agree with it 100%

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 11, 2014 / 7:59 pm

      Thanks Adam, glad you do!

  10. August 12, 2014 / 9:17 pm

    “It’s also ok to cut out the negativity. We should surround ourselves with people who bring out the best in us, who make us happy, give us energy and people we actually enjoy spending time with. People that respect us, not people who bring negativity and are only in the relationship, be it friendship or more, for their own personal gain and how much they can get from us.”

    THIS! I completely agree. I’m planning on taking a break from some negative people in my life and focus on myself for a change instead of the issues surrounding these people! This post perfectly summed up what I’m feeling right now.

    Vessi :: arts & petite style blog

    • Lorna
      Author
      August 12, 2014 / 11:04 pm

      I’m really glad that it could help you out and inspire you! I hope you find happiness in it!

Thanks for your comments =) I read & reply every one =)